I try to identify the effects of my being here, trying to decide if it was worth taking a year out of ‘my’ life and thousands of dollars from my friends and family. I feel like I’ve somehow cheated the system. Life will continue on here just like it always has but I will go home to my western comforts with a better understanding of who God is and how I want my life to be different. Isn’t that a little unfair? Shouldn’t I leave feeling good about how these people better know God? Shouldn’t I leave with stories of how I saw God work in mysterious and miraculous ways? I find myself comparing myself to friends that have come back from serving with incredible stories and relationships with those they served and I feel like a failure of a missionary in comparison. But God is reminding me that it’s NOT about ME or how I feel or what I did. It’s COMPLETELY about HIM and what he did. Who am I to decide that he hasn’t worked in the lives of those around me? And if he chooses to work in my life in noticeable ways who am I to say that’s unfair?
Lord I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.
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2 comments:
So true, Gambia is such friendly people, they know how to love, but it seams there is a little ways to go before they are ready to start to turn from what they know and are comfortable w/ to what We have and what their families will not be comfortable w/
Thanks for your transparency, Krystle. I have often felt the same way about pastoral ministry . . . what was actually accomplished?? Did I do more harm than good? Did God use me to bless anyone? But in spite of these questions, I have also had enough time pass that I am amazed to see how God was working even in ways that I didn't see. When Jesus left earth it didn't seem like a whole lot was accomplished . . . from the outside it seemed like nothing was accomplished (no buildings to house lepers, no established leadership system at the local synagogue) . . . but seeds were planted in the lives of people. And seeds are strange things, some seeds sit in the ground a long time (some actually sit in the ground for years before they bear fruit---cherry seeds are one example). Therefore, you are exactly right when you say that God is the one who knows what has been accomplished and it is "God who makes things grow" (I Corinthians 3:7). Keep trusting in Him, and pray for us as we pray for you. We all are in desperate need of His presence.
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